Depression

I'm glad that people starting to care about the danger of depression,
But sometime for me its too much...
They said "We are in this together"
But did not understand what they thought they know

They did not understand the sudden thought that comes unwelcome
They did not understand that sometime nothing trigger the thought...it just come
They did not understand the feeling when you drive and suddenly the thought comes
What if
"I crash and die here. Is it hurt? Will I be fine? Will I burden others?"
What if
"After all this time...I'm a failure"
What if
"After all this struggle...I will never be free"
What if
"I'm not worth the money...I'm just a burden"

They can consult,
They can say nice words,
But in the end...
The thought that matter.

I can't blame them for trying to help others
But I hope someone can realise that...
Too much exposure can trigger dangerous thought...especially suicide exposure
When the thought to end the pain comes..the beatiful feeling...relieve...everything seems easy.
But the truth is...its not
To leave something/someone you loved and care so much hurt thousand times more than the seconds of beautiful feeling has to offer
But sometimes it feel just right to grab the offer
Sometimes...when you tired enough
Sometimes...when the weather is nice
Sometimes...when the time is just perfect

Everyone have a devil inside of them
It just the way they control it make them different
'We' are not the one that cannot control our devil
It just the devil sometime control 'us'

Different soul different devil different story
Someone may be depressed for the hate they received
Someone may be depressed for the expectation they received
Someone may be depressed for the love that left them
Someone may be depressed for million reasons
And
Someone may be depressed for their own dream

If someone ask me "What make you strong?"
I will proudly said
"I'm not strong...I'm broken...but my religion keep me going"
Why?
Because that the truth
I'm scared of hell more than my own thought...at least for now...and I hope forever