Mentaliti ke?

Tengok ROS, jooho n anna encoirage anak tu express perasaan dye. Tanya pendapat utk baiki diri.

Tapi...bila aq luah perasaan orang kata aq complain. Xreti bersyukur.

Betullah org kata...be careful who you shatr your feeling with.

Klu parent sndri...kawan sndri x mampu nak terima, better diam. Mengadu....cerita kat Allah jelah lepas  ni. Allah x rendah2kan perasaan manusia. Sbb dia faham dan dia tahu hati, perasaan dan pemikiran seseorg tu.

Moral of the story: an introvert cannot be an extrovert. Keep everything inside is the safest way.

Ajal

Kematian Kak Da buat aq terpikir banyak benda.

Covid is so fucking real. Like its invisible but its not. 

And how much the frontliner is working so hard. With the increasing cases these frontliner was forced to work to their limit. They are expose to the danger as well as their family. But still...they perform they job well. They deserve all the respect for their deed.

Dan aq jugak terpikir.....

Bila ajal tu dah datang. Takde siapa mampu delay even satu saat sekali pun. 

Tapi... kenapa masih berlaku korupsi di dunia ni? Kenapa masih ada tipu daya dalam jual beli? Kenapa masih ada berebut harta? Tak cukup ke hasil halal sendiri?

Bila ajal tu dah datang harta pun xmampu buat apa2. Bodoh semua hamba harta tu.

Mental health is a hot topic

Dengan kes bunuh diri yang tinggi bulan ni. Makin ramai yang sedar dgn kepentingan mental health.

Tapi apa yang aq x berani suarakan is suicide ni dia chain curse. Someone might stop thinking about suicide but bila kes ni jd perhatian, thought tu datang balik tibe2.

Dan apa yang aq xberani mengaku adalah. Even the thought of suicide scared me. Ingat lagi berapa kuatnya pujukan rayu setan dalam kepala otak aq ni untuk just take the knife and put a stop to everything. Berapa aq berusaha untuk tak ambik pisau tu. Berapa aq meraung untuk stop berfikir macam tu. Berapa aq takut dengan kekuatan aq yang hampir lemah untuk lawan setan tu. Berapa takutnya aq bila pkir darah yang banyak yang mungkin keluar. Berapa takutnya aq bila pkir "what if this doesnt kill me but make my family dissapointed and scold me instead". Betapa aq nak mati saat tu but at the same time aq xnak mati. Betapa dilema tu hampir buat aq hilang waras aq.

But im a survivor. I will survive this. I will fight this. I will hold on till my family understand that mental health is real and I am the living proof that I dont get to see doc and get proper diagnose because you seem to dismiss any talk about mental health.

Bukan nak salahkan. Sebab ya. Aq masih boleh bertahan. Tapi alangkah baiknya kalau aq tahu apa masalah aq..apa penyakit aq.

Mistake

You make a mistake, you find ways to solve it.

You make another mistake, but this time, people start to condemn you.

Would you find another ways to solve it... or would you rather leave it?

Condemn and advice...learn the different and you will learn how to gain respect and trust.

What make you stop find a solution?

-hurtful word

-accusation

-freedom

-time to pray

What make you stay?

-respect

-money

-challenge

When your soul and mind is broken, what is the point of staying?

Trust issue is real. Paranoid is real.

Yet there are stil people backbiting.

4th day

Just notice that...today is my fourth day in muzishq. I thought I been using it for more than a week now. But it just 4 days.

I need to get out of the app now. It take my sanity away.

I'm gonna just wait for a match and not wait to match with other.

Because im choosey this way.

Im sorry....but i rather be single for a while longer than chosing a wrong guy.

You a muslim but does not eat halal? WTH!!! You a muslim but drink and smoke socially? Double WTH.

I dont want my future kid to be that kind of muslim. So...PASSED!!

Will update when something interesting happen.

Fate

I really need to learn from my mistake. How funny it is, I always get what I hate. That why you should not hate something too much or love something too much.

Been in Muzishq for 4 or 5 days now. Well...did not hope much from this app but still I do put some hope in it. Well...money should be spend wisely.

Am I choosey? Yes I am.

I filter almost too meticulously that no profile was shown. So, I tone down a little bit.

From:

1. Education must be postgraduate or phd

2. Age must be 25 to 35

3. Decent profession

4. Sunni sect

5. No smoking

6. No drinking

7. No india, banglasdesh, pakistan, africa citizenship

To:

1. Education must be postgraduate or phd

2. Age must be 25 to 35

3. Sunni sect

So...I did tone it down. But then...the only like that I get is opposite from all the above condition.

And one simple accidentional like get me a match to india citizenship. And I am afraid to reply and to kind to ignore.

I dont hate indian or what so ever but most rumour of how rude and harsh their people are do scare me. That why india is among the last country in my bucketlist.

I do have few indian friend and they are kind and beautiful, but it does not lesson the fear I have.

But I do want to give this a chance, maybe I will turn to like india or maybe I turn to understand india culture more.

Will keep on updating on Muzishq if anyone that I like can match with me.

You plan, Allah plan. And Allah is the better planner.