Know...enough

Now I know,
The most scary person is...
Someone that sad but did not cry.
Someone that hurt but did not show it.
Someone that cry without tear
Someone that bottle everything up.

Now I know,
The reason people suicide...
It is not because they do not scare of Allah
It is because they had enough...
They do not want to deal with the expectation.
They do not want to deal with the voice inside their head.
They do not want to dissapoint anyone.
Not anymore.

It is because they had enough
It is because the devil sound louder
It is because they not alone but they lonely
It is because the scar isn't showing
It is because no one know
It is because they hurt but they afraid

Afraid...
To show tears
To show their pain
To give trust

Because no one know
No one
Know
THEY HAD ENOUGH

Enough to finally let go
Enough to finally let go
Enough to finally let go

Of pain
Of expectation
Of life

Buddy trip

Well...
Everything started great with the planning, cost and activities.

Then...
Everything went wrong when my family decided to go to Turkey. That is one of my bucket list country. Riding hot air ballon is my bucket list activity. Yet, I already pay the deposit as well as the promise I've made. And...Waerebo and Flores is just amaze me. Quite frustrated for not able to go to Turkey. But, I guess its ok.

But...
Baby come to the frame. So...goodbye Waerebo. Plan to join them in Turkey skyrocket, unfortunately, flight ticket is finished. If I know this would happen, I would rather wait 1 more year to go to Flores. At least, I can go scuba diving. But...Allah plan is the greatest.

I meet amazing people. I spend it well away from internet. Away from work. Although I did feel a little bit out of place sometimes...but its bearable.

The place is amazing. The view is amazing. The crews are amazing. The corals are amazing. The fishes are amazing. The experience itself is totally worth it.

But, in some place... I would prefer scuba diving more than snorkeling. Overall, flores is heaven for underwater lover.

And...
I'm sure my depression is cause by my PhD. I should stop thinking about continuing my study after this. My brain is too old to absorb anymore knowledge and work.