[--Ayat-ayat Hiasan Blog Aq--]

People changes love them before their changes hurt you...

[--Prinsip Aq--]

Maybe i am not a kind of girl that have a good principle but at least i am not hypocrite. Just be who i am,naive,straight forward and i love to think negatively.Why??? Because...when we always think positive and when its not like what we hope for...its hurt. I had enough of heart broken. So its better this way.But i control it well...i think..hehe

http://www.emocutez.com

Death?

Wednesday, September 14, 2022

Sometimes...
When the devil talking in my head...
I dont fear death...
I do not seek it...
But I welcome it without fear...

But...
That is what I am afraid the most...
The fact that I don't fear death...
Because I know...that time...
My self worth nothing...

That...
If I'm were to be gone...
Nothing will be affected...
No one will miss me...
And my misery would end

Adoptive breasfeeding journey

Wednesday, August 31, 2022

This is a long overdue post. So...lets keep this as momento.
We expected the baby 2 months before she was born. If we do things correctly, I should start induce lactation process by this time. But, my father does not allowed both his daughters to breastfeed the baby. Because it can change the shape of our breast. Since we both are not married yet, so he really concern about the future. That left us with two option:-
1. Let my future sister in law breastfeed the baby
2. My mother will try to induce lactation
The first option is rejected. My future sister in law is quite a shy person and we respect her choice. So, my mother try to induce lactation.
But, instead of starting early, she start when the baby is already 2 months old. Then, because of medical issue and fatigue, my mother give up. At this moment, my father still does not allowed us to try induce lactation. However, when the baby is 6 months old and we realize the inconvenient this may cause, my father allowed me to induce lactation.
Now my breastfeeding journey began.
The first three months I consume 6 domperidone each day. But only pumping regularly in the first week. Regularly means every two hours. But, occupied with the baby and thesis, I stop pumping and just do hand expression thrice a day. This brought the result of the first 6oz after 4 months. Then, I continue hand expression and get my next 5oz. By this time, the baby is more than 1 years old. I stopped doing hand expression and pumping and always skipping my domperidone after my thesis hit the worst case. I am verry occupied with my thesis and taking care of the baby that I did not have any spare time to relax and do induce lactarion at all. Which cause my milk supply to drop to 0. Now, at 1 years 10 months I am trying again, with the goal of 4x7oz breastmilk supply in 2 months, before 21 Oct 2022.
My new journey start with
1. Me taking 3 domperidone each day for 2 weeks. No hand expression and pumping at this moment.
2. Start pumping every two hours on the third weeks.
3. Start increasing my domperidone to 6 pieces each day on the second day of my third weeks.
4. Start taking momma milkboster pills 2 pieces each day on the same day.
Now the results...
Day 1 of pumping regularly = 0 drop
Day 2 of pumping regularly = 0 drop
Day 3 of pumping regularly and increasing domper and momma = 1 drop after hand expression
Day 4 of pumping regularly and increasing domper and momma = 0 drop after hand expression
Day 5 of pumping inarregularly because of picnic trip and increasing domper and momma = 2 drop after hand expression
Day 6 of pumping inarregularly because of housekeeping work, 1 domper on the morning and 2 for evening and momma = 1 drop without hand expression

Long way to go...


Najib in prison?

Tuesday, August 30, 2022

People are quick to be happy aboit someone misery. Well....based on evidences he is found guilty. But...does it ever come to your mind that
1. Evidence can be made...especially if politic is involve
2. We did not really suffer during his time compared to price rising now
3. He is too calm to be someone that guilty
4. 42 mil is not a small money. Where can he spend it?
5. The fact that people enjoy in his daughter misery for an opportunity to feed her father again disgust me.
I hope there will never come a time where you wish for any opportunity to be with your father again...as usual.

He might be wrong...he might be corrupted...but his love toward his family should not be something to be insult.

First love

Wednesday, August 24, 2022

They said first love is important
Because...
Your next love mostly follow the same pattern

I guess they are right...
For my crush is all about the same pattern

Well...no escape for me i guess. Haha

You don't have the right to....

Saturday, August 20, 2022

You don't have the right to judge how easy my life is...
Until...
You walk in my shoe,
You think with my thought,
And...
You talk to my devil.

After all these...then you will understand, I live an easy life compared to the other choice I can make everyday.

Poem for if I ever finish my PhD

Thursday, August 18, 2022

This journey teach me thousand things,
The research itself isn't that hard,
But the life lesson is what I would never want to go through again,
This journey is beautiful but yet scary as fuck,
Because in this journey I learn everyday is a fight,

Thank you for the lesson and memory as here where I grew up